One Pig’s (Partial) History
This is just a part of my history. I will update this headline when my life story is complete, or rather when it is up to date (since I am still doing some crazy things).
Signed, Hambone, the wild and crazy pork!
My name is Hambone. I grew up in the west, California I think. I was born on a pig farm to a mom pig and a bunch of brother and sister piglets. From the beginning I was different. For one thing I had a silver button on my head:
And worse yet, when you press that button I light up like a blue ball of fire and make some sounds that can only be described as “porkey”:
So after being teased relentlessly by those siblets of mine (I made that word up by combining sibling and piglet), I had to leave home. For the next few years I made my way in the world, eating, drinking, and making friends with chocolate parrots.
Like so many of the outcast of society, I found my only happiness came from the bottle:
It was during this time that I realized that someone had attached a chain to my backside… how humiliating. My life was a waste!
I was in the dumps…
… or rather, the dumpster. All I needed was a little guidance.
With that kind of guidance, I was a little nuts!
or rather a really BIG nut. Who knew. I wanted to try new things, so I tried lime surfing:
and motorcycling:
Cliff diving:
And of coarse, the most dangerous of all… combining pasta and pizza!!!
I WAS EXHAUSTED!
In desperation, I went to the newspaper and found a job as a pastry chef (which is pretty interesting since the newspaper was in German)
Pigs and pastry… this is good!
To bad I just couldn’t handle these stupid candy sticks!
Well I was lonely. I tried to call home, but nobody answered.
Mom and the siblets must have been slopping up some of that soggy bread the wacky farmer thought would be appetizing. What was he thinking! Now this is bread I can get my little porky mouth around.
OK That’s all for now. I will be back soon with more of my riveting history!
